Recently in On the Edge Category

Last night, while looking through the newest issue of Vogue*, I saw an ad for this gorgeous Carolina Herrera green sparrow printed shirtdress.


Carolina herrera (clipped to polyvore.com)

Swoon!! And I am always looking for fun dresses to wear to either my annual work event in NYC, or at one of the weddings that I am attending or officiating this year. I knew that Carolina Herrera is a FASHION BRAND, and that I probably couldn't afford it, but I love the dress and thought that it might be worth the splurge. So I looked it up and found it at Neiman Marcus.

Yeah, it's $3,000.

$3,000!!!

So yeah....I'll admire it from afar, and use it for INSPIRATION.

*Note to Vogue from my feminist comedy brain: In that article about how amazing Kristen Wiig is, why did you have to photograph Seth Myers with her? Isn't she amazing enough to stand on her own?

Ooh, y'all. You know I've got some crappy super fine hair that doesn't look good unless it is super duper short. I've had about a million hairstyles and colors in my life, and I get bored really easily. Sadly, my hair grows way too damn fast. So I often times want to do weird and edgy things with it, I like it when it looks really severe or "fake" (as I used to say) and I get hair envy pretty often.

So when we watched last night's Project Runway, I SWOONED when I saw this model's hair and styling. SWOONED! I mean, take a look:

(Photo courtesy of www.mylifetime.com)

I mean, look at it! To die for! I wish I could do that with my hair--I one time wore these weird nub things in my hair for about 2 weeks and my hair was all bleached and weird and it looked crunchy and a little homeless.  Erica (the other one) could always pull off the mini-nub/ homemade afro-puffs so well, and mine were more like puny cheese doodles. Not gorgeous and luxurious like this.

Not to mention the fact that I've been swooning over Anya's hair the last two weeks. Her clothes and earrings, too, actually.

I've been wanting to do the shaved sides thing for a while. I love everything about it. But I don't know if I can pull it off....but if I can't, who cares, right? I'll just shave the rest off and it will grow back before I know it. Better to do it now than the ass cold winter, right?

My mom will be happy about this one.

I read my fair share of fashion magazines, and one thing that's been standing out to me lately has been the "red lip." I've been afraid of red lipstick my whole life. I would wear it for dance shows, but never had the confidence to pull it off in real life. Once, when Erica, Andrew and I went to Florida to visit Topher, we went to a club, and I wore a short Hawaiian print red dress and Topher gave me a red lip. I think I was 20, and it was a bold step. I love the pics from that night, but that was the last my face had seen of a red lip for a decade.  I've been more of a "oh, is she wearing lipstick?" kind of girl. Neutrals and light pinks. Once I bought a new lipstick (that I love and still wear) and when a friend said "let me see how it looks" she didn't know I was already wearing it.  But then I see photos of myself and I realize how pale I am.

Again, I am trying to hold my own in a sea of sexy burlesque ladies these days, so I thought it was time to take the plunge. Last Friday I found myself at the MAC counter at Macy's. I went in just wanting to look around (but planning on buying) and of course I was pounced on by an adorable sales clerk the second my big toe landed inside the MAC perimeter. She showed me some lipstick options and then gave me the most gorgeous bold red lip I've ever seen. I loved it. Of course, it wasn't just a lipstick--oh no, it was lipstick, liner and gloss. She showed me a day look and an evening look. It was out there.  I bought all three.  Also, since I've been doing some modeling here and there, I decided I should learn how to apply makeup, so I signed up to take a class this Friday that will teach me how to do a smoky eye, a clean lip and a flawless complexion. Yes, please!

Outcome: Successful!
While I've only ventured out in public a few times with the red lip, I've loved the times that I have. I've felt totally confident. Last Friday I decided to remove the color after I left Macy's--I was on my way to therapy, and I didn't think it was appropriate to go in with a sexy bold lip color. Also, it is hard to apply a bright bold lip color in the morning when you are half asleep and know that you are going to a) drink coffee soon and b) not see anyone all day. So I look forward to going out a little more at night so that I can wear it more and more and get more comfortable with it.

 

My hair is short, and it grows very fast. I know that short hair requires more frequent trims, but that can be expensive, plus I don't have a regular stylist right now. Typically, I just make do with my hair when it grows out and then one day it starts to drive me nuts--it is too long on my neck, it lays weird, etc--and then I want it cut immediately! Every time it grows out, however, it looks exactly the same.

I had been thinking that I wanted a new style. I was thinking maybe the trendy shaved side spiky look or maybe what I was calling "the pixiest pixie" meaning the shortest hair out there. I feel weird, though, telling a hair stylist what I want, cause what do I know about hair? I usually let them decide what they think will look best, with my one caveat being that it is short.

I went to a salon I had never been to on Friday, and was introduced to a really sweet stylist who I liked a lot. The salon was very quiet and reminded me a lot of the cute independent businesses in Mississippi. The stylist's main focus is ready-to-wear no hassle hair; hair that doesn't take long to style and looks good even if it's been under a hat. I am all for that idea. She wanted to keep my hair a little longer on my neck, and said she was giving me a Judi Dench in Casino Royale haircut. That didn't appeal to me at first, and when she was done with the cut I asked her to take more off--I like my hair short. She cut another inch and a half off and showed me a couple different ways to style it.

At first it felt like the same old same old, but as the day went on, I realized that it was very wearable. I've been spiking it up the middle, in a feminine faux hawk, which is what I was wanting anyways, and it looks good. Definitely more edgy than the typical lady hair.  Later in the day yesterday, at a make-up counter (another experiment) the woman said something like "you need a [thing I was buying] with cool hair like that." Sweet!

Outcome: Successful, but ongoing
Overall, I like it.  We'll see how it does over the next couple days. I just need to make sure I take a second in the morning to style it a little.  Plus, most of the time this season I'll be wearing a bunch of hats, so we'll see how it bounces back from that. And I'll need to maintain it a little better.

Lately I've been suffering from some low self esteem and low confidence. For example, I went to an art show opening last week that featured some of Victor Skrebneski photos, so I got all dressed up and thought I looked cute, until a long walk in the cold made my outfit super wrinkled and my face red and my makeup funky. Once we got there I realized that I had nothing to talk about with anyone there and I felt out of place. Also, since I am going to be working more and more in the burlesque world, I am going to constantly be around gorgeous women who have so much style, glam and confidence. I'll need to keep up with them, or at least feel like I can hold my own and stand out in a room with them. Working mainly by myself, I rarely have a reason to dress up or even put on makeup (especially after the kidney stone). I've become kind of a schlub.

For the most part, I like who I am, but I feel like I need to find again what it is that makes me special. I think I used to have "it" but it's been gone for a while.  It is time to start taking control back of my life and becoming more of a presence in it. I've decided, at 31, that I am going to try to start to find it, by being more edgy, more unique, and more fashionable. Essentially, I want to see if exterior changes in my appearance will add to my inner confidence. We'll see where it goes.

On the Edge Part 1:  Tattoos
I have 4 tattoos. I got my first one when I was 22--a multicolored nautical star on my back. I got it with Erica, who has a similar star on her back representing friends and where we were in our lives then.  My second tattoo is for my dad. I got it at 25, after he had his colostomy. It is a pink star on my abdomen where his stoma was.
My third tattoo was gotten in April of last year, for my 30th birthday--the birds that I wanted for 8 years. Getting this tattoo changed my life. I felt more confident, I felt cool, I felt beautiful. In the summertime when I can wear tank tops, I get compliments on it at least twice a week. My grandmother told me earlier this year, "You know, Erica, I don't like tattoos, but I have to say that yours is really pretty."  After getting such a visible tattoo, I decided I wanted one that I could see all the time, all year round. Thus, tattoo number four, which I got a month ago and just posted about. I absolutely adore it. Love love love it. It makes me happy, it makes me feel pretty, it gives me a boost of cool. I think it is bold and unique, and it is personal and special. I think that I will be ok for a while without any new tattoos (though it is true that they are addictive...very addictive...). Even when I have this tattoo under a coat or long sleeve shirt, I can just pull back my sleeve to see that beautiful blue, and it makes me smile.

Outcome: Successful
Though I had these tattoos when the insecurity hit most recently, I made sure to wear sleeveless shirts in my high anxiety situations this week (at the art opening, at rehearsal) so that I could see them and they could be seen. It definitely gave me a boost.