On the Edge: an Experiment in Becoming Fashionable

Lately I've been suffering from some low self esteem and low confidence. For example, I went to an art show opening last week that featured some of Victor Skrebneski photos, so I got all dressed up and thought I looked cute, until a long walk in the cold made my outfit super wrinkled and my face red and my makeup funky. Once we got there I realized that I had nothing to talk about with anyone there and I felt out of place. Also, since I am going to be working more and more in the burlesque world, I am going to constantly be around gorgeous women who have so much style, glam and confidence. I'll need to keep up with them, or at least feel like I can hold my own and stand out in a room with them. Working mainly by myself, I rarely have a reason to dress up or even put on makeup (especially after the kidney stone). I've become kind of a schlub.

For the most part, I like who I am, but I feel like I need to find again what it is that makes me special. I think I used to have "it" but it's been gone for a while.  It is time to start taking control back of my life and becoming more of a presence in it. I've decided, at 31, that I am going to try to start to find it, by being more edgy, more unique, and more fashionable. Essentially, I want to see if exterior changes in my appearance will add to my inner confidence. We'll see where it goes.

On the Edge Part 1:  Tattoos

I have 4 tattoos. I got my first one when I was 22--a multicolored nautical star on my back. I got it with Erica, who has a similar star on her back representing friends and where we were in our lives then.  My second tattoo is for my dad. I got it at 25, after he had his colostomy. It is a pink star on my abdomen where his stoma was.
My third tattoo was gotten in April of last year, for my 30th birthday--the birds that I wanted for 8 years. Getting this tattoo changed my life. I felt more confident, I felt cool, I felt beautiful. In the summertime when I can wear tank tops, I get compliments on it at least twice a week. My grandmother told me earlier this year, "You know, Erica, I don't like tattoos, but I have to say that yours is really pretty."  After getting such a visible tattoo, I decided I wanted one that I could see all the time, all year round. Thus, tattoo number four, which I got a month ago and just posted about. I absolutely adore it. Love love love it. It makes me happy, it makes me feel pretty, it gives me a boost of cool. I think it is bold and unique, and it is personal and special. I think that I will be ok for a while without any new tattoos (though it is true that they are addictive...very addictive...). Even when I have this tattoo under a coat or long sleeve shirt, I can just pull back my sleeve to see that beautiful blue, and it makes me smile.

Outcome: Successful
Though I had these tattoos when the insecurity hit most recently, I made sure to wear sleeveless shirts in my high anxiety situations this week (at the art opening, at rehearsal) so that I could see them and they could be seen. It definitely gave me a boost.


Whoo girl I know what you mean. What did my mother wear all her life? Sweaters and jeans. What does her daughter wear? Sweaters and jeans.

PATOOEY! BLECH! NEIN! Also part of the reason why I like the nose pierce, suddenly, jeans and a sweater look a little more funky eh?