I'll be back with stories and photos, etc etc, after June 24th!

Have a great week!

(photo editing also by Zach)

Team Gerdes is in loooooove.

INSPIRATION AND BEAUTY!

Thank you!

We set a date. I was to go to the friend's house for the massage cause that's where her table was. Perfect. Golden. I'm in.

At 9am the morning of the massage, I received the following email: "Hey, so i dropped my phone in a toliet on saturday. but i wanted to email you and say we are still on for one." Bummer about the phone! But yay, we're still on. I showed up to her place at 1:00 and buzzed the door. And waited. And buzzed again. And waited. I checked my phone to see if she texted--oh right--she didn't have a phone and I couldn't call her. I sent her an email saying "I'm downstairs!" in case she was on her computer and her buzzer was broken. I buzzed again. About 10-15 minutes later, I saw her running down the sidewalk. Her bus had been delayed, and she couldn't text me to tell me. No worries, I was easy breezy. "Next time, we'll start on time," she said.

We went into her apartment. She reminded me that she's been staying in a friend's living room temporarily, so things were in a bit of chaos. There was a futon in the living room and stuff all over the floor.  No worries for me, I get it. She lit an incense stick and started getting her table out to set it up. I asked to use the bathroom.

After I was finished with my business, I tried to flush the toilet. Nothing happened. I tried again. Still nothing. I exited the room and told her that it didn't flush. She replied, "Oh, yeah--it only flushes like once every couple of times." and apologized. No worries; if she was ok with it, so was I.  "Next time, I'll be in a different place, so it will be better," she said.

Back in the living room, it became clear that we needed to move the coffee table out of the living room. She asked for help. The coffee table was very large and square with two-tiered shelving. It was also loaded with stuff. We lifted it to try to get it out of the room. It didn't fit through the rectangular doorway. I mentioned to her that we needed to tilt it to get it out, but we had to be careful cause of all the stuff. We angled it a bit, and things started to slide around. She grabbed the incense and put it on a nearby bookcase so it wouldn't fall.  We tilted the table more, and suddenly, everything came sliding off of it--books, papers, food, things--absolutely everywhere. We sort of shrugged like "oh well" and just pushed forward. As we were getting it through the door, I noticed a sudden burning sensation on my left arm. I said to my friend "I am being burned by something." I pulled up my left elbow, and the incense stick was sticking into my arm.  My friend yelled and grabbed it from my arm, but the cherry from the stick was still attached to me. She grabbed that off, too. We set down the table. My arm instantly blistered and started to hurt. She apologized and got some ice cubes from the freezer for me.   "Next time, it will be better, I promise," she said.

As I sat on the couch icing my arm, my friend went to work assembling the table. She pulled some sheets out of a wad on the bed to use, assuring me they were clean. It's ok! I'm easy breezy! Free massage! "Next time, the sheets will look nicer," she said.

I've recently become incredibly sensitive to all sort of bath products. I try to only use paraben free, and I have to make sure that no natural strawberries are used, etc. Facials and massage creams usually break me out, so I asked if I could look at her lotion to double check. I looked at the ingredients, and it looked a-ok with me.

When we were ready to begin, she told me that I could get undressed and under the sheet. She was going to step out of the room. As I started to take off my dress, I realized that the large bay windows only had curtains on 2 out of 3 of the window panes. I looked out of one of them and saw a man walking his dog...which means, he could see me. As I was undressing.  I called to my friend "Hey, is there anyway that people can see up into this window while I change?" She answered "Oh...yeah, they can," and apologized again. I thought for a second and then decided to get under the sheets before taking off my dress. Boom! Brilliant. Let's begin!  "Next time, none of this will happen," she said.

She asked what kind of music I wanted to listen to, and I said "just something relaxing." She chose a nice mellow station on spotify. The massage began. It was awesome. Free massage! This is what it's all about! Burn or no! A few songs in, a really weird one came on. I had never heard it before, and it had a very aggressively pointed female vocalist singing. I tried to not listen to the words, but  few crept in. "La la la the red and green..." It was weird. I let it go, but I started to get giggly. She kept massaging. "LA LA LA LA RED AND GREEN!!!" Finally I burst, "Is this a CHRISTMAS SONG?!?!" and died laughing. She said "Yeah, I don't know WHAT this is!" and changed the channel. I couldn't stop laughing. Or giggling. After all the events of the day. It was the perfect storm. She settled on some Indie rock, and then got down to business.

I'm very happy to say that the massage was amazing, and I felt incredible afterwards. She is very talented, thank goodness! And nothing else bad happened.

That is, until I got home, and my skin was on fire and itching to death from the massage lotion. So I took a shower to wash it off.

Next time will be better.

Meet the Fokkens is about 69 year old identical twins in Amsterdam who have been prostitutes in the Red Light District for over 50 years. In the movie, they talk about their lives, their histories, and their present lives, in and out of the industry. How could we pass that up?

The movie took forever to load. We waited patiently. We asked Danny, Erica's boyfriend if he wanted to join us. He declined and said that he was going to walk the dog. We waited. Finally the movie loaded. We learned that it was in Dutch with subtitles. Oh that's neat. It froze up again, no! We waited. And waited. These ladies were worth it.

Finally, it started to play. Success! The Fokkens are adorable and charming.  Danny returned with the dog. We asked if he now wanted to join us, since he had only missed a little. He agreed. At this point, Erica was on the right side of the bed, (and super pregnant) and I was on the left side. I asked what they wanted to do: should I move over to the side to let Danny in the middle so they could be next to each other? Danny didn't know if he was going to commit to the whole movie, cause he had other things to do.  Did Erica want to move to the middle? She didn't want to move, cause that side of the bed was her pregnancy-pillowed side, and she also wouldn't have been able to hold the laptop in her lap. So I was the meat in the bed sandwich, with the laptop on my stomach.  I decided to start the movie over so that Danny could see what he missed (which really wasn't anything). It froze up again and started reloading. NO! More waiting, as the clock ticked on.  Finally, it came back, and we were ready to go.

I guess I didn't really know what to expect in a documentary about prostitution, but I felt like I was ready. I'm no stranger to erotic imagery, what with Fuzzy's previous job at a certain gentleman's magazine and my career in the burlesque world. And Erica and I can watch anything together no problem. The subtitles were a little blurry, so you really had to work hard to read them, and their voices and the other language was really lilting and soothing. It was an interesting juxtaposition to the subject matter--the things they were talking about were really explicit. After one graphic and unpleastant description, Danny made the ironic comment "Sexy..." and we all giggled.

Only, I realized that Erica didn't giggle. And I realized that she was breathing pretty heavily. Because of how her head was propped and my being on my back with the laptop on my stomach, when I looked at her, I couldn't tell if she was still awake and just quiet, or if she was asleep. And I didn't want to ask that super annoying question, "Are you asleep?" especially not to a super pregnant woman with inconsistent sleep patterns. So we kept watching.

As the movie went on, things got more real, and they showed one of the twins at work. Which is to say, performing sex acts to male clients with blurred faces. And I got more uncomfortable. I started getting shifty and sweaty. It became clearer that Erica was totally passed out, so essentially what was happening was that I was watching some sex at night with Erica's boyfriend in their bed. No big, just watching some porn on a computer on a Sunday night in Brooklyn with my best friend's baby daddy while she's asleep next to me. You know, just sandwiched between a couple in the bed that the baby was conceived in, watching an elderly woman be a dominatrix to a paid client in Amsterdam. As one does.

I didn't want to make a big deal out of it. If you can't watch porn with your good male friends, who can you watch it with, right? So I let a few more minutes go by, and I don't remember if it was Danny who decided to leave, or if I bit the bullet and said that I was tired and needed to go to bed, but one of those things happened. We stopped the movie with about 45 minutes left to go, and we started moving around. Erica woke up a little. I told her I was going to go to sleep, and I asked if she was interested in watching any more of it that evening. Her response was, "Well, I have been listening to it."

To the movie that was in another language.

I said my goodnights, and went to my room and read for a little while. We never finished the movie.

Thanks so much to our friends at the World of the Weird Monster Show!
 What an experience!

Fuzzy, Andrea, Shaun and me, post race.

After months of training, this past Saturday was the much hyped and anticipated Soldier Field 10, a 10 mile run that finishes on the 50 yard line of Soldier Field, where the Chicago Bears play.

Of Note: I am kind of obsessed with the Bears Theme song, Bear Down, Chicago Bears (also, Go, Cubs Go, but that's another story). Here it is:

Lyrics:

Bear down, Chicago Bears, make every play clear the way to victory.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, put up a fight with a might so fearlessly.
We'll never forget the way you thrilled the nation with your T formation.
Bear down, Chicago Bears, and let them know why you're wearing the crown.
You're the pride and joy of Illinois, Chicago Bears, Bear down.

So the morning of the race, all I could talk about was Bearing Down, and our car full of people being the "pride of joy of Illinois." Then all we talked about was our "T Formation."

Andrea's T Formation.

I was excited for the race--not really nervous, but maybe a little. I got a nice night's sleep and was just ready to get started. Sadly, the weather did what I was afraid it was going to do, which was dip down to the low 50s, so I had to bundle up. The most I had run up to that point was 8 miles, so I figured that 10 would be hard, but doable. Knowing myself, I estimated my time to be 2 hours and 15 minutes.

Andrea, Claire, Fuzzy and Shaun "Thrilling the nation." (Though the guys argued that this was a time out and not a T Formation.)

When it is cold out, I am NOT a cute runner. In fact, I think I look a teenage boy refugee. So here is proof:

2 pretty ladies, and some poor young man who is very fortunate to be in this photograph.  Or Yakoff Smirnoff.
"What a country!!"
(But seriously, special thanks to Andrea and Claire for being the BEST RUNNING FRIENDS EVER!!! I am a lucky gal.)

At the start of the race, we met up with some other friends, which was awesome for pre-race bits and jokes, which are always welcome.

These ladies and some guy's finger are ready to run run run!

Once we started, it felt great! Right at the start, Andrea took off! Claire was awesome and ran with me for the first 5 miles. We chatted and it took my mind off the fact that I was freezing cold. At about mile 5.5. we split up and listened to our running tunes for the rest of the run. For most of the run, I felt really good, but things got hard towards the end of the run. Because of my hyperhidrosis, my body temperature is almost always off, so I was drenched with sweat, which just made me colder. My feet were so sweaty, they just pruned and blistered from top to bottom. Plus, my shoes are kinda old now, and I've been running a lot (for me), so I think all the cushion is shot. Whenever I would start to run again after a walk break, my feet just HURT. At mile 5, my knee started to hurt, but I pushed through.  At mile 7, my ankle started to hurt.  At one water station, I was feeling a little grim, but the volunteers called me by name (our names were on our bibs) and that gave me SUCH a boost. At mile 9, I ran out of energy and became STARVING. Like, stomach growlingly hungry. I ate the rest of my chews, and had to walk a good portion of that last mile. As I approached the stadium, I got lots of encouragement from spectators telling me I was almost there. My goal was to run the final mile, but it was impossible, so I walked a lot of it and started running again when I entered the field. As I stepped onto it, "Bear Down, Chicago Bears" was playing, and I totally just started crying. I ripped off my hat, raised my arms in victory, and looked for myself on the jumbo tron.

That's me! Crossing the Finish Line! Bear Down!

After I stopped running (which took a second), I found Fuzzy, Andrea and Shaun in the stands cheering me on.

I did it!

And check this out!

1529 11888 ERICA GERDES          14272 34 F3034 CHICAGO      IL 2:14:33 13:28 1:05:01 3:08:28

I finished less than half a minute from my projected timing! WOO!

The reality is that I was completely delirious. I was in so much pain, and I was freezing, and I was starving. I really wish that I had taken an extra moment to soak in that I was standing on the field. And that I had done it. Normally, after a 3 mile race, there are bagels and bananas right away, but sadly, there was not after this race. So I stumbled my way through the chute, got some gatorade, got my medal, looked for food, and found Fuzzy. I wanted to have an emotional and proud reunion with him, but all I could think was "where's the food?" We hugged and kissed and he gave me a bag of chips, thank goodness. There was still a long way to go before we got to the food bags, and I don't know if I would have made it if he hadn't had those chips. We were all entitled to a free post-race beer and a concert with Soul Asylum*, but Andrea was cold, and I was in a different place mentally and physically, and the guys didn't care, so we decided to just leave.

When we got home, I was really losing it--I started shaking and could barely move. Fuzzy got me chocolate milk and food. We went for a walk later in the day, but things got ugly--my left knee swelled and I could barely walk or even change positions.  I was in so much pain.

Yesterday, things were better, and it was an active day. Two days later, I am doing a lot better. I just have some tightness in my calves. I am SO proud of myself. I remember thinking that I could never be a runner, and now I've run TEN MILES! That's huge! Now I have to figure out what's next. Another triathlon? Focus on dance again? I was wondering if I could do a half marathon after this race, but now I think I know that anything over 10 for me is just too dangerous. I want to keep my knees for the rest of my life if I can.

But man. I did it.

*Soul Asylum? Really? For a triumphant finishers party? I get it, they were big in the 90s, but talk about serious and depressing topics--runaways, war for oil, does anyone know a third song by them? As I was nearing the stadium, they were playing Black Gold, so I guess I got a mini concert. So there's that.

There's a new season of Drunk Monkeys happening--with new episodes every Friday! Watch on our website, on Four Squirrels, on YouTube, or subscribe in iTunes!

Also, Drunk Monkeys is now on Facebook! Check us out!

Watch all of the clips here!

Longer Blog Post to come!

Upon entering the building, I beamed with excitement of the name recognition that was about to happen between me and the security guard. LOOK, MY NAME IS JUST LIKE THIS BUILDING! How rare and neat is that?! All a-twitter, I handed over my ID for her to copy my name down.

And she handed me back this:

Sad Trombone.

Oh well, maybe next time.

I am happy and amazed to say that it was a breeze!

I am so sore and blistered, but the weather was amazing, and the run felt great. NEXT WEEK: TEN.

Before my run, with my coffee, Fuzzy noted the occasion with this:

Well Played.