I found this entry from last new years, and I thought I would see how I did in 2007. As it turns out, 2008 was NOT easier than 2007, and in many ways it was a lot worse. Ah well, tomorrow is another day. Here is the (edited) list I wanted to achieve in 2008 with my current comments in bold:
"I want to have fun. I spent the last 3 1/2 years with a burden on my shoulders that was always there. Fuzzy and I were only together for a month before the docs' found Dad's cancer, so I am looking forward to what our lives will be like without that stress." *Sort of. There have been some fun times, but this year was overshadowed with mom's mental and physical health and hospital visits, along with dealing with not having Dad. I look forward to this one getting easier and better in 2009. I hope.
"I want to get into a good physical shape. I want to start dancing again." *Nope. I think I worked out a little bit sometimes in Jan-May and that's about it. And aside from the stilted Flutter dance in DADA, no dancing happened.
"I want to unclutter the house. I want to feel more domesticated. I want to be unpacked 100%, something that has not happened since I moved here in 2000." *Nope, though in the last week alone, I unpacked 6 boxes. Wooo 2009!
"Purge Purge Purge! Books, cds, DVDs, clothes--I want to give it away to someone who needs it more." *Nope, this is a goal for 2009.
"I am going to have to get used to not talking to, seeing, or hugging one of the most important people in my life." *I hope I never "get used to" this one. As much as I don't like sadness over my shoulder all the time, or the fact that I can't talk to Dad and he isn't here to experience anything, I think I am more afraid of being ok with that. Things have most definitely gotten easier--I don't cry as much, for example, and I am having fewer panic attacks-- and that is great, but I want to hold on to Dad for as long as I can.
"I will diligently try to be as giving as possible to everyone I encounter." *Partial success maybe? Ongoing. It comes and goes. I sort of hid from the world this year and spent most of it on the couch with TV and red wine, but I like to think when I was out and about I was loving and giving. Who knows.
"I want to choreograph more. I want to write something funny and important for women. I want to make more of a name for myself, but I want to perform less." *I choreographed one musical, and that was a bear. I produced Apes and Neutrino and I am proud of that. I wrote and performed in DADA and I am probably the most proud of that show than any other show I've done in my 25 years of performing. "Make more of a name for myself"? What the eff does that mean? Jeez, I am annoyed at myself for writing that. I went from doing zero to 4 shows at once and that didn't work for me. I am really going to pace myself and be wary of projects that I take on this year to make sure that it is the best for me mentally and physically. I don't know what kind of performance, if any, I will want to do this year. And I still have plans on writing a dorky lady comedy screenplay...
"I want to get out of debt as much as possible." *Eh, I payed off one credit card, but still have lots more debt. But nope! Still paying away at those bills, with no end in sight.
"I want to buy a new dress. I want to start feeling pretty again." *Success! I bought 2 new dresses (the same style, different colors.) And I can honestly say that I feel pretty. That's nice.
"I want to cut out all the bullshit." *Success! No time for bullshit here.
"I want to look out for myself." *Success! I don't do things I don't want to do. I listened to myself (and still do) when I needed to stay in and heal. I go to therapy weekly. I sometimes do nice things for myself (though that is hard.)
"I want more time with Fuzzy. That isn't tied to stress or something that we have to do." *Success! He is the best thing I have going for me, and my greatest joy in life.
"I want to be happy." *For the most part, success! This year has been a struggle for sure, with a lot of it tied to family stress, but I can happily say now that I like who I am, where I am, and I look forward to seeing where I am going.
Not too shabby! I am nothing if not a work in progress, and I'll just keep on going. Yay 2009!
>>Purge Purge Purge! Books, cds, DVDs, clothes--I want to give it away to someone who needs it more." *Nope, this is a goal for 2009.
This is a goal for me this year too (along with the unpacking) - and I've decided to borrow an idea from Stinton.
Every now and then on our old message board, he would make a list of books, CDs, whathaveyou, of stuff he was getting rid of, free and first come, first served.
My plan is to (instead of trying to get rid of everything at once) attempt to make a list at the end each month of no less than a dozen things (possible more) and if they aren't "claimed" within say a week, then I'm going to donate them to the library/brown elephant/salvation army.
That way, every month, I'd get rid of at least a little something, rather than try to compile EVERYTHING at once.
My dreams of a yard sale (or selling my crap on ebay) are kind of a pipe dream I'm letting go of.
Hoorah for paring down all our crap!
Oh, that is a good idea, Rebar. Makes it seem a little less overwhelming to do it a little at a time. Yeah, I have daydreams of getting $$ from some of this stuff, but I realize this is completely unrealistic, especially now that no one has jobs.
I might post the giveaway stuff here, too, at some point. We'll see.
Hooray for purging and getting rid of our physical (and therefore metaphysical) burdens!
Maybe we can hold an online swap meet!
One day we all just list our shite!
Of course, then we fall prey to just trading my shite for your shite, and the paring down becomes moot.
Agh.
YAY for accomplishing so many of your New Year's goals! I am also trying to purge, motivation being that maybe we will find our video camera so we can make more Delia videos. Today I purged my car on my lunch break - one thing at a time!
love you!