The New Normal

Warning--kind of stream of conscious-y.

I am back in Chicago. It is so great to be back. I've spent a lot of time with my kitties, seen some great friends-though only a couple (I'm still hiding), written a ton of thank you notes (I still have a ways to go, though), spent a little time in the cold (yikes-I have readjusted to MS winters. Why is it so cold here?) but all in all things are good. It was hard, so hard, leaving Mom--I wish I could just take care of her everyday and help her get better. But as she and everyone knows, it was time for me to get back to my home of almost 8 years with my sweet and wonderful Fuzzy. I am excited about 2008--I think good things are going to come out of it. And it has to be better than 2007. Don't get me wrong, there were a lot of great things to come out of 2007, but it was absolutely the hardest year of my life. I am still the same ole Erica, but I am forever changed.

I am scared about a lot of things. I am scared about getting back into a routine. I love everything that I have been doing, but I am not sure that those things are what I still want. I want to make so many changes, but that is often the hardest thing to do. But getting back to Normal is something that my Mom and I have talked about a lot--Normal only shows what is missing. I want the New Normal.

Ok, 2007, lets reflect.
In 2007, I took a lot of pride in the work I was doing. Blewt came even more into its own and is steadily growing.
I helped write and performed in Soiree DADA with WNEP--a show that I never tired of, but that left me physically and emotionally exhausted for weeks.
I started choreographing wedding dances, which is something I love greatly.
I reconnected with a lot of friends.
I turned 28, which was at once, a terribly hard and unimportant day-- due to dad's illness-- that Fuzzy later turned into one of the sweetest most wonderful days I can remember.
I moved into an apartment that I truly feel at home in--a rare occurance for me.
I learned how to truly be honest with people, even if it hurt or was difficult or left me completely vulnerable and open. I learned that honesty is often hard to hear, but almost always is the best. Communication is key.
I fell in love with Fuzzy every day.
I realized the true value of a family, and that great people make a difference in many lives.
I learned how special my Dad truly was.
I spent what seems like half the year in my hometown.
I learned exactly how much support I have and how many amazing friends I am blessed with.
I took joy in taking care of my father and my favorite part of the day for a few weeks in November was waking up in the morning, going downstairs, waving to my daddy who was anxiously waiting for me, and fixing him breakfast. For all the years that Mom and Dad took care of me, it was an honor to be able to return the favor.
I cried a lot.
I watched my sweet Daddy die.

Things I am striving for in 2008 (edited/ updated)
I want to have fun. I spent the last 3 1/2 years with a burden on my shoulders that was always there. Fuzzy and I were only together for a month before the docs' found Dad's cancer, so I am looking forward to what our lives will be like without that stress.
I want to get into a good physical shape. I want to start dancing again.
I want to unclutter the house. I want to feel more domesticated. I want to be unpacked 100%, something that has not happened since I moved here in 2000.
Purge Purge Purge! Books, cds, DVDs, clothes--I want to give it away to someone who needs it more.
I am going to have to get used to not talking to, seeing, or hugging one of the most important people in my life.
I will diligently try to be as giving as possible to everyone I encounter.
I want to choreograph more. I want to write something funny and important for women. I want to make more of a name for myself, but I want to perform less.
I want to get out of debt as much as possible.
I want to buy a new dress. I want to start feeling pretty again.
I want to cut out all the bullshit.
I want to look out for myself.
I want more time with Fuzzy. That isn't tied to stress or something that we have to do.
I want to be happy.

All in all, life is truly what you make of it. If you are stuck, change the routine. Unhappy? Take a risk. That first time will always be scary, but it will be a memory that you will never forget. Each day is a blessing and a new adventure. And I am super excited to see what will happen this year. The sky is the limit! For real, though, in a non-cliche' way. Blah blah whatever, we figure it out as we go.

Today, though, I feel good: inspired, rested, happy. Excited for taking that step.

Happy New Year, everyone.