What to do?


I'm at a crossroads. Time to make some big choices and steps. It's hard, but I need to just stand up tall and own it. It's my life and I need to make the most of it. I need to get some sleep, talk with my husband, and take some steps. This stalled out place I've been for almost a month is soon going to end. I am looking forward to that.

Today I am sans kneebrace, and I'm doing ok. Which makes me more and more conflicted about the tri this week. Yesterday it was hurting pretty badly, but today it only hurts a little. If it was all or nothing, it would be easier to make the decision. But I'm in this weird middle place. Do I let myself rest or do I let myself try to accomplish something amazing? I can't decide. And I know to everyone else in the world it seems stupid that I am still considering doing it, but being ok with not doing it is easier said than done.

A lot of my friends right now (most of my friends) are also in this weird transition place. What's next? We're in our 30s and 40s and don't want to feel stuck or unhappy, but taking that leap into the unknown is always hard. Safety in numbers maybe? Misery loves company? Both? All I know is that I want to reinvent myself and I wish I knew how or knew how to help anyone else out there. I miss the way I was feeling when I was doing a lot and on top of everything. I called that version of me 'Awesome Erica.' I miss her.

Blah blah...just using this as a sounding board. Trying to figure it out. But I know that I really just need to take a deep breath and stay present in this moment. Cause this moment is pretty ok great and that is good! The weather is beautiful. I am not in massive pain today. I have deep and enriching relationships that feed my soul. My husband is perfect. I am thankful for all the blessings I've been given.

So. One step at a time. Stay in the present. Yes yes.

Yes, also, this is like the 3rd or 4th time I've updated this post. Which means the sounding board is working! I don't feel so grim! My anxiety has loosened a bit! I am seeing the bigger picture a little better! I'm also assembling some boxes at work, and I really am enjoying that and it is relieving some stress. I think maybe in a past life I was an assembly line worker. And a happy one at that. Maybe I got to sit down or take frequent breaks.

Today's song of the day. Yes, it is more Chris Cornell, deal with it. 


hi babe. Just wondering--and this might be a dumb question--are you open to just giving the tri a try (har!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!) and allowing yourself to abort if it just feels wrong?