Barftown, USA

I am so tired I am seeing stripes. My toes hurt and my fingertips hurt.

I think I am only good for data processing type jobs. I am so good about technical things and little details, but have no capacity for logic or reading comprehension. I hope I make things easier for you, Shannon, and never harder.

I am disappointed that none of the girls on ANTM accidently ate a pot brownie or legally got stoned when they were in Amsterdam.

Fuzzy and I are going to move to Belgium where I hear people just drink beer all day and eat delicious foods. And the streets are paved with gold and kittens are like flowers. I think they have unicorns over there, too.

My brother is amazing and such an inspiration for how you can try to make a difference in this world. I understand the importance of art and comedy in the world, I do, but with everything he does, I some times feel really really superficial.

I have the most amazing friends in the world.

How can everything in a person's life be so together, then suddenly nothing makes sense and everything you know to be changes? Just how to you recover?

I was talking to a friend last night about how I don't really miss people when they (or I) move away--I miss aspects of seeing them, but I know that they are doing great things and I know we will keep in touch. Meanwhile, people that I used to hang out with who may only live a block away become the hardest people to see. That is all part of the beautiful cycle of life and influence.

I do, however, miss my Dad. Sooooo much. He was such a ray of sunlight. We had many talks before he died, about how he wasn't worried about what was going to happen to him--he was going to be in Heaven, the most glorious place that we cannot comprehend. He was more concerned about how we were going to be when he was gone. And this fact tore him up and made him cry, thinking about our pain. I was toodling along yesterday in a good mood, and I thought about home, and I got so sad thinking about Daddy's smiling face and great hugs and hilarious sense of humor and how I am no longer able to experience those things outside of my memories.

I also miss my Mom. What a rough year this has been for her and for all of us. Our roles have reversed now--motherdaughterdaughtermother. I know you are going to read this Mom, so please know that I love you with all my heart, and I hope that you can continue to heal and I hope you find your humor and joy again. Though I cannot be with you in the next few hard weeks and for the upcoming holidays, I am with you in my heart.

Hmmm...I didn't mean for this entry to take a sad turn. Aren't dogs in sweaters the cutest little things? And pluffy kitties with their winter furry coats?

So far, I don't mind the snow. It is charming, even.

How can you have any pudding if you don't eat your meat?