Bob, is The Fray Emo? Our Adventures in Indie Rock

Last night, we had tickets to Schubas Tomorrow Never Knows Indie Rock festival--mainly to see the Department of Eagles, the band that sings my current favorite song. There were about a bazillion bands on the bill, and the show didn't start till 9. This gave me little concern--there are 2 venues at Schubas, and I thought that maybe it would be like how it is at the Hideout where the headliner goes first. We got all bundled up and made it to the bar by about 8:45--only to find no one there. Fuzzy got a drink, we went in the empty concert hall and took seats on the side bench along with other disappointed couples and guys who had gotten there on time only to find they were too early. We had a delightful chat about hot toddies with the couple to our right, and the guy on our left hilariously asked us if "we would think less of him if he ordered a peppermint schnapps on the rocks." No, sir. Not at all. We noticed a schedule on the wall saying that Dept of Eagles wasn't playing until 11:45 and that there were 3 opening bands. Oy...11:45? Maybe we should have stayed at home. But we were determined to make it.

At 9, the first band Poison Arrows took the stage and people slowly shuffled towards the stage. At the first note, we knew it was way too loud. A part of me died a little when I got out a tissue and made earplugs for me and Fuzzy, but it had to be done. Note to Schubas--if you involuntarily blink everytime there is a drum beat, it is probably too loud. Though, this band could have been completely muted and I would have still hated it. It was some weird mix of IndieMetalJazzOdyssey music that never seemed to end and there were multiple false endings and ugh I hated every second of it. Fuzzy and I started texting bits to each other about the band, and that was hilarious. Finally, after what seemed like eternity, they ended, and we regrouped. 1 band down, 3 to go!

When the second band, Alla', took the stage, there was some hope--there were 2 cool looking chicks and I had faith that they would be better. Boy, was I wrong. This time, it was IndieMetalJazzOdyssey, but with a lady singer. Uff. Our new friends to our right were having an equally bad time, saying things like "Well, that was self-indulgent" when they ended a song. More text bits between me and Fuzzy. At one point, the drummer raised his arms and made spirit fingery gestures either trying to get the audience to clap or get some sort of "essence" out of the air. Either way, it didn't work. Fuzzy started reading blogs. I found myself staring at the floor, while people kept getting closer and closer to us and shoving their coats on us and behind us (since we were on the bench, we were also in front of the coat hooks) and finally, I made the call. As much as I would love to see the band we paid money to see, I couldn't sit through another band of crap and what if DOE was also an IndieMetalJazzOdyssey?! My fave song would be ruined, and I would be even more disappointed. So we gathered our coats, told the folks next to us we were leaving (which they understood, and I think they were a little impressed-they were miserable, too) and left a full hour before the main band was ever to take the stage.

I am glad we left. The most fun part of the night was snuggling next to Fuzzy and making jokes, and that we could do that at home in our pajamas. I didn't even drink! Maybe this is me getting older, but so be it. The tickets weren't too expensive, and I will chalk it up as a loss and think of it as musical gambling. I also used the term "epic fail" for the first time ever, in reference to the night. But I am also glad we went. It was an experience I am glad we had.

However, I did learn a thing or two about how to be and look "Indie Rock." All is takes is three essential items: a hat (floppy if you are a girl, snug if you are a boy), a scarf, and a pair of glasses. It's just that easy! Forget your hipster clothes at home and don't have time to go home after work? Just find a hat, a scarf and a pair of glasses and your friends will be none the wiser! Once you have a hat, scarf, and a pair of glasses, you'll look just like everyone else in the room, and no one will notice you at all!! Allow Fuzzy and I to demonstrate:

Not Indie Rock:

Indie Rock:

Not Indie Rock:

Indie Rock:

See how easy?