I am currently working a part time contract job for an event in May. The job is perfect for me--it is a task that is in my area of expertise for an organization that aligns with my personal interests and passions, I can make my own hours right now and work from home most of the time, and I am working with a few friends and former colleagues. It is perfect and it is going great so far.
The crazy thing is, I keep finding myself feeling the need to justify to myself and my colleagues how much work that I am doing and that I am really am working hard. I feel like I should report everything that I am researching, how many hours I am putting in, when I will next be in the office...etc etc.
No one is asking this of me. This is all coming from my own brain. This is a result of my previous job environments--jobs that I felt I was being judged in and had people breathing down my neck. This is also a result of the unhealthy pressure I put on myself to fill every moment in life with productivity.
In reality, I know what I am doing. I am super capable. And they hired me because I am an independent worker and can get things done without supervision. They are trusting me to literally get the job done. So why do I feel like I always needs to be working or feeling guilty for not working?
I don't.
So I am trying to not. This year is all about new perspectives and ways of thinking. And slowing down. And not beating myself up. And not being negative.
I don't have space in my brain or time in my life to think that I am anything less than brillant.
