I’m super sad. I miss my Parker.
I try to be all hardcore and unemotional when dealing with stressful things, but also, I am a human, so need to allow myself to be sad and emotional in order to deal and process. I think Monday and Tuesday were just dealing with the shock for me. Dealing with her rapid decline and seeing her die. Dealing with her toys and bed and litter box and food bowl (Fuzzy took care of all these things). But as time goes on, the more her absence is huge in the house. Every night, I spend time on the couch to hold Parker. Last night, there was no Parker. I sit in the doorway of the kitchen holding Parker when Fuzzy makes dinner. There is no Parker to hold. I woke up this morning just SAD. I keep wanting to look for her just to see what she’s doing and to hold her fat squishy body and kiss her little head. But there is no Parker. And there isn’t going to be any Parker anymore. Parker is gone forever.
I understand death—the beauty and necessity of it. I am practical about it. But the habits are going to be hard to break. I was forced to quit cold turkey on my favorite pastime, my favorite possession, one of my closest friends.
I miss her.
