I Love the (concept of) the Nightlife

I do comedy. I do burlesque. I love these shows and I love being a part of these communities.
I love going to concerts.

All of these things have something in common: they are late night activities.

I have a hard time staying up past 10:30 pm. And when I do, I have to take a nap in the afternoon first. And I am wrecked the next day. It's something about me, and I can't help it. I have good intentions to be a night person, and I just am not. I used to be, but no more.

A few years ago, I made a decision to not do midnight shows anymore. It was draining on me and I found it hard to muster up the energy to be entertaining on stage that late at night. As I get older, I've been able to pick and choose the projects that I want to do more these days, which is awesome.

But then, I started working on a show that ran approx 2 hours and started at 11pm. I felt obligated to see the show a lot so that I could get progress reports, but I just couldn't do it. It was a weekly show, and I managed to only see it once every 3 months. I felt guilty about that, like I wasn't doing my job.

The last show I had running started earlier, at 9pm on one night and midnight on other nights. I saw it 3 times in the run, which is a lot for me! But I felt obligated to see it more and I felt guilty that I didn't.

The other day, it occurred to me--I didn't HAVE to be there every show. I wasn't in the show. I put my work in beforehand. I choreographed for months leading up to rehearsals. I rehearsed multiple times a week to get the show where I wanted it. Once it was up and running, it was out of my hands. And I didn't have to feel guilty or apologize to anyone that I wasn't there more. I knew going in that I wasn't going to be able to make it to all the shows. And I don't have to feel bad about it. I am who I am and I LOVE who I am, so if anyone has a problem with my show attendance or non-outgoing nature, they are welcome to talk to me about it. But so far, no one has. So I am just putting the guilt onto myself. And that's not fun or healthy for anyone!

So! I will continue to carve out a place for myself in the entertainment world, and I will let others enjoy it. That's why I do it, for other people to have an entertaining night out. 

Meanwhile, I am going curl up for a good night's sleep.