Thank you so much for all of you guys for your concern over my last blog post. I didn't mean to be so dramatic, but I had a rough couple days. I am sure if I went into it all now I would sound like a big ole whiney baby, but it was hard, nonetheless. As Dabo says in Schmuckt die Hallen, "There is only disappointment." But long story short, I am doing better today, thank you.
Since the last 4 and a half years have been filled with so much travelling for family and so much family care and stress, Fuzzy and I decided to stay in town this Thanksgiving (plus with the show Friday night, we didn't want to risk missing it.) We received numerous invitations to people's houses, but ultimately decided to stay at our own place a cook a meal. Namely, Fuzzy wanted to make a turkey. He did much research and planning, and we bought a roasting pan and an 11 pounder and got ready for the big day. (The other night when doing some research on different roasting methods, Fuzzy looked at me and apologized for taking on such a huge task. I reminded him that after the great "I am going to make homemade ceviche an hour before family and friends show up at our house for our rehearsal dinner therefore making me unable to clean, write cards, answer the door or talk to anyone" event of July 28, 2006, nothing could shock me with him in the kitchen. He understood.)
So last night, after Fuzzy knocked me out of my emotional weariness and grumpy grumpiness with a trip to Target and the grocery store, we ate some frozen pizza and watched some Top Chef. We got a very fun surprise visit from our friend Lisa, and the 3 of us talked and drank wine and had a great time. This morning, we got up, turned on the parade and started cooking and just hanging out. So she didn't have to take the train so late at night, Lisa crashed on our couch (instant slumber party! I love the holidays) we had a relaxing morning eating pancakes and drinking coffee. I talked to my mom briefly (she was on her way to work) and to my brother for a while (what was he most excited about for Thanksgiving? Cranberry sauce and deviled eggs.) Our friend Jeff came over in the afternoon and we spent the rest of the day eating and drinking. I did break down crying at one point, but it was good--necessary. I know the next few days are going to be incredibly hard for me, and when in the Macy's parade started talking about Santa delivering toys on Christmas Eve, I was hit again (as I often am) with how much I miss my dad and how much it sucks that he isn't here to share the holidays with. And with the close of the day today, we have now made it through every holiday that he was here for last year. This was the last one. There are no more. This is very hard for me to comprehend.
Before Fuzzy and I started dating, I had a few memorable Thanksgivings after I moved to Chicago (since we've been together, all of them have been memorable). In 2000, I cooked a bunch of food for myself, stayed in my apartment, watched a lot of movies (Toy Story 2, Big Night and American Beauty, to be exact) and talked on the phone all day. One year, I spent the day with Rebecca H and we ate pizza rolls and oreo pie and drank cheap wine and watched a shitty movie (Igby Goes Down) and an amazing movie (Down By Law--one of my top 5). One year, my friends Jeff and Sara and I cooked 12 different dishes for the 3 of us and were in a food coma all day. So it was even more exciting that Jeff came over to share Thanksgiving with us today. We had a feast! The turkey was incredible! And we made homemade cranberry sauce, mashed potatoes and gravy, stuffing, and rolls. Jeff brought dressing, collard greens and mac and cheese. And our friend Amanda was so sweet and brought us 2 pies! What a treat! And the movie this year was Wall-E. Holy crap, it was great. And surprisingly, I didn't cry.
Did I mention that we've been drinking all day? We have. I love it.
There is so much that I am Thankful for this year, and so much that I am stlll processing and don't know how to handle. But that is ok. Fuzzy's mom likes to ask what we have learned this year at Thanksgiving rather than what we are thankful for--and the amount that I have learned this last year far exceeds what a rambley blog post can handle.
I am thankful for all of you, my incredible and supportive friends and family.
Have a wonderful day.
EDITED TO ADD: I didn't mean to leave this out--what I am most thankful for this year and every year, is for my amazing and wonderful and loving and perfect husband. Fuzzy is my rock, my best friend, and the cutest and most handsome man on the planet. I am honored that he chooses to be with me-- a crazy old loon-- day after day.
Happy Thanksgiving, Baby. Every day with you is a holiday.